November 14, 2024
Children are amazing. While they can be quite resilient, they remain very vulnerable during times of war. War brings with it fear, anger, and uncertainty. Its impact manifests in many ways – from enduring the horrendous sounds of bombs and the anguished screams of the injured or grieving, to being displaced from one’s home to live in tents, hotels or on the streets.
War takes an immense psychological toll on children and adults alike, creating trauma that demands our immediate action. We cannot wait to support our children’s psychological well-being – delay could make an already fragile state of mind even more vulnerable.
One powerful way to help children is through the use of routines. Simple as they may seem, routines provide structure through activities that share key characteristics:
- They have a beginning and an end.
- They are usually, though not always, performed in a specific way.
- They often follow a predictable sequence.
In a world filled with uncertainty, as is the case during times of war, a routine becomes something dependable for a child to count on. This explains why young children often request the same story repeatedly, despite having many other books available. They find comfort in knowing that the prince will always find Cinderella because he has her glass slipper, and this glass slipper only fits her foot.
Routines serve the same purpose of predictability, which becomes extremely important during times of war. Routines don’t have to be fancy, complex or expensive – just something the parent and child can do together consistently, preferably daily.
Below are a few ideas of routines that parents can incorporate into their children’s lives, whether staying at home, with relatives or friends, in a hotel, on the street, or in a tent. While a parent is ideal for performing these routines, an older sibling, family member, or close family friend can also engage the child in these activities.
A routine can be:
- Telling the child a bedtime story,while the child sits close to the parent or on the parent’s lap. If books are available, the parent could read a book (or one to two pages of the book) to the child each day.
- Singing a song before bedtime or in the morning with the child or to the child. This can be done in just a minute or two virtually anywhere.
- Allowing the child to help the parent while they are preparing a meal or unwrapping a ready-made meal (if receiving meal allocations). The parent can specify that only that child will help them set the table or unwrap a certain meal (with younger children, we would need to be careful not to give the child something hot to unwrap).
- Having alone time with the child to talk about anything, and especially feelings. This can be done when the parent is helping the child get dressed in the morning, for example.
- Allowing a child to choose which task to do first – setting the table, helping prepare the meal, or getting ready to start the day. Children can be given two or three choices, so they don’t end up choosing something that the family cannot grant.
- Trying to label how one is feeling each day by comparing feelings to something tangible and concrete. For example, a child may be asked if they are feeling like they do when they eat something they don’t like or when they see a scary animal.
- Spending two minutes alone together with a parent after lunch.
This list is not exhaustive. Parents can choose whatever activity they like, with the aim of performing the routine (as much as is possible):
- in the same way;
- at the same time of day or after the same event each day (e.g. after a meal);
- in the same place;
- with the same person.
And finally, it is important to stress that these routines will not replace psychotherapy. They are meant to provide the child with a small semblance of normalcy and predictability that may be lacking in their current situation. The great news is that these routines may end up benefiting the parents as well, as the uncertainty, toxic stress, and trauma not only affect children, but also parents.
Additional Resources and References:
https://zerotothrive.org/routines-for-kids/
https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/quienes-somos/articulo/importance-schedules-routines
https://melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/the-importance-of-routine-in-childhood/
https://montessori-academy.com/blog/why-are-routines-important-for-children/
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/casework-practice/trauma-informed-practice/?top=243